


The Difficulty of Being Happy

by tellmesomethinginteresting



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, M/M, Mental Hospital, Recovery, Recovery from a Suicide Attempt, Substance Abuse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-12 11:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19945402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellmesomethinginteresting/pseuds/tellmesomethinginteresting
Summary: The story of a pathological helper who needs to fix a broken boy.orThe story of a boy who might need a little help and the boy who loves him uncoditionally through it all.





	The Difficulty of Being Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Please check the tags before reading this. It never gets graphic but if any of this could potentially be triggering for you, please proceed with caution.

“I’m looking for Doyoung,” Jaehyun said to the charge nurse.

“Doyoung?” she repeated.

“Kim,” he said, “his last name is Kim.”

The nurse typed something into her computer.

"How is he? Can I see him?”

The nurse gave him a shrewd look. “Are you related to him?”

Jaehyun shook his head. “I’m…”

His friend? Not really. His boyfriend? Definitely not. Completely in love with him? Undoubtedly so, but that wasn’t something you told a nurse you didn’t know.

Still, friend was probably the best call. “We’re friends.”

“I can only give out medical information to family members,” the nurse said.

“His family is not going to show up,” Jaehyun said.

The nurse shrugged. “That’s unfortunate, but that doesn’t change the rules.”

“So, people who don’t give a damn about him can know whether he is going to die or not just because they share his DNA and I can’t, even though I do care, but I’m not related to him?”

“Correct.”

Jaehyun let out an exasperated sigh. “That’s insane.”

“We don’t make rules,” the nurse said.

“But I can see him, right?”

The nurse took another look at her computer. “Not at the moment, no.”

“What does that mean? Is he in surgery? Is he in a coma? Is he—"

“It means he is still being treated,” the nurse interrupted him, “but I can only disclose the details of his treatment to a family member.”

“Can I at least wait here? Until he’s ready to see me?” Jaehyun asked.

The nurse sighed. “Yes, you can sit down in the waiting room. I’ll tell you when he’s ready.”

For the first time, Jaehyun felt something somewhat resembling relief. “Thank you, thank you so much. I really appreciate this.”

“Don’t make me regret it.”

Jaehyun was woken up by someone gently shaking his arm. He must have fallen asleep while he was waiting.

“Your friend is ready to see you now,” the nurse from before said.

Jaehyun got up as fast as possible. “What time is it?”

“Five in the morning,” the nurse answered. She led him through the Emergency Department towards an elevator. “He’s in one of the recovery rooms now,” she explained.

“So, he’ll make a recovery?”

“I’m not allowed to answer that.” The nurse came to a halt in front of a room with the number three written on it. She opened the door and took a look inside.

“Doyoung?” she called, “there is someone here to see you.”

A few moments later, she gestured for Jaehyun to follow her and entered the room.

The room was dimly lit by a lamp standing on the bedside table and a screen displaying colorful, moving lines. There was a quiet beeping sound.

Doyoung was lying in a bed. His skin wasn’t pale in the way it usually was but had a grey tinge. The circles underneath his eyes appeared almost blue. He had an oxygen tube leading to his nose and an IV line in his forearm. His leg was in a cast.

“Everything alright, Doyoung? Any pain? Do you need anything?” The nurse took a closer look at the IV line and the monitors.

“I’m good, Maggie. Thanks.” Doyoung's voice sounded hoarse but he gave the nurse, Maggie, a reassuring smile.

“Then I’ll leave you guys to it,” Maggie said.

“Thank you,” Jaehyun said, “this means a lot.”

“It’s what I’m here for,” Maggie answered, “you guys just call if you need anything.”

Once Maggie had left, Jaehyun pulled up a chair and sat down next to Doyoung's bed. “Hey.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Doyoung whispered but he gave Jaehyun a weak smile.

Jaehyun took Doyoung's hand which was lying on top of his covers. His index finger had one of those grey clamps on it probably to monitor his heart rate or blood pressure or whatever else doctors needed to monitor.

“I did have to come,” Jaehyun said, “otherwise I might have gone insane.”

“I don’t deserve you being here,” Doyoung said.

“Just say: Thanks for coming, I’m glad you’re here, okay?”

Doyoung didn’t respond immediately. He just looked at Jaehyun, seemingly lost deep in thought.

“Okay,” he said after a while.

Jaehyun squeezed his hand and smiled when Doyoung squeezed back. It gave him the courage to ask the question which had been burning on his mind ever since Johnny had called him to tell him that Doyoung was in the hospital.

“What happened?”

“I don’t really remember,” Doyoung said slowly. It seemed like he was barely able to get the words out.

“Drugs?” Jaehyun asked.

Doyoung looked away. That was a yes.

“And your leg?”

“I walked into traffic.”

“On purpose?” Jaehyun could feel tears forming in his eyes.

“Maybe.” The word was barely audible, Doyoung was speaking so quietly.

Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. This wasn’t the first time he had visited Doyoung in a hospital, alcohol poisoning and even one overdose. But it had never gone this far.

“You need to get help,” Jaehyun said, “they have an emergency psych ward here. You could—"

“I don’t want help,” Doyoung said, raising his voice for the first time. He let go of Jaehyun's hand and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“But you need help.”

“Those are two separate issues.”

“I do not want to play games with you right now,” Jaehyun snapped.

“I don’t, either.”

“Then, why do you keep on doing it? Why can’t you just let me in? I wouldn’t judge you. I’m here for you.” Jaehyun leaned in closer but Doyoung pulled away. The look in his eyes made the hairs on Jaehyun's arm stand up.

“You know what your problem is, Jaehyun? You have this pathological need to help others which probably means you only like me because you think that fixing me would give purpose to your miserable life. It’s like you get off on being other people’s hero. It makes me sick.”

Jaehyun felt like Doyoung had punched him in the face. He got up to leave. Once he had reached the door, he paused with the doorknob already in his hand.

“Haven’t you ever thought about how much easier it would be if you let someone else take some of the weight off of your shoulders?” He asked. “Because it would be easier, maybe not easy in the traditional sense of the word, but definitely easier than it is now and it might even become manageable.”

Jaehyun turned around to look at Doyoung, but he had his back turned to him.

“You must be so tired. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have done what you did tonight. I would be tired, too, if I were in that much pain every day if I felt like I had to push away the people who care about me because I don’t deserve them.”


End file.
